Back in February, at Eleanor’s 2 month appointment, we found out that she was very underweight. She had gained 7 ounces when she should have gained more like 2 and a half pounds. Turns out that she had a tongue tie, which is when that piece of skin under your tongue is too long/tight for it to move properly. So even though she was going through the eating motions, not much was going down. Suddenly a lot of things made sense. What we thought was colic was her nearly constant hunger. She wanted to eat ALL the time (18+ hours/day)– way more than average– but we were told she was just having a growth spurt. She also didn’t have a lot of dirty diapers, but when I asked a nurse about it she said that it was common with breastfed babies.
I felt really guilty for a while. What kind of mom doesn’t notice that her baby is starving? But with all of the problems we noticed, there was an explanation that made it normal, so we just didn’t know. Why would a baby who was eating all of the time not be getting enough to eat? Not to mention that she was hitting all of her developmental milestones and has always been super alert and strong. But still, I felt pretty crappy about it.
The doctor referred us to a lactation consultant/RN. As with most LC’s, she very strongly encourages exclusive breastfeeding. However, because Eleanor had been eating so little my supply had plummeted. Since she was so underweight, we didn’t have time to bring my supply back up. I had to start supplementing with formula right away, which was super frustrating for me as I had always wanted to exclusively breastfeed.
The above picture on the left was taken right before the LC appointment, and the one on the right was just one week later. I think that the difference in her face is huge! She quickly started looking way, way healthier and acting a lot happier, too. She gained 3 lbs in a month, her hair started growing again, she slept way better, she acted full after eating… The quick bounce back made me feel less awful about it all.
With the tongue tie, I had to get situated very particularly in order for Eleanor to eat. Just trust me when I say that it was extremely difficult to get it right. But even then, she had developed bad habits and still had a lot of trouble getting her mouth to work (not to mention the low supply). She needed to see an Ear-Nose-Throat specialist as soon as possible or I likely wouldn’t be able to continue nursing. Unfortunately, there was a problem with her insurance and they were going to make us wait an entire month to get the fix- which was basically useless.
After some prayer and pulled strings from the LC, we ended up waiting two weeks to get a referral to an Ear/Nose/Throat specialist, rather than a month. They fixed Eleanor’s tongue tie that appointment. It was so sad watching them hold her down and stick scissors in her mouth. She actually cried less than at vaccinations, though. Those probably really hurt since she had hardly any fat on her!
Now that Eleanor can actually move her mouth the way she needs to, she’s eating way better. We’ve slowly worked our way back up to about 50/50 nursing/supplementation. We still spend over 3 hours every week with the LC trying to improve that ratio even more.
It’s sad that I feel like I have to justify myself to others when I give her formula. The condescending looks and remarks really hurt. Even if I had just chosen to formula feed from the start, that wouldn’t make me a bad mom. People have no idea how much I struggled trying to get her to breastfeed. Spending over 18 hours daily feeding her and not knowing why it still wasn’t enough. Experiencing physical pain and exhaustion trying to comfort my starving baby. Finding out that my best efforts weren’t enough. Worrying that I had caused lasting damage to my baby. Trying to afford the formula I didn’t even want to use. Being put on lactation medication that gave me depression as a side effect (we since found an alternate, fortunately). Jumping through hoops with crappy insurance. The last thing I need is people accusing me of “not trying hard enough” or “giving up”. I shouldn’t have to justify myself, but I still feel like I need to.
I share this post not for sympathy or validation, but to add to the experiences of other women who have had difficulty nursing. Sometimes I think that breastfeeding is portrayed as this process that should be simple and come naturally. But for a lot of women, for whatever reason, it’s not.
Eleanor is still underweight, but catching up to where she needs to be. I’m so grateful for the doctors and my LC who have been so helpful and understanding through it all, and the support from family and ward members. Some days are harder than others, but we’re figuring it all out and as always, just doing our best.
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Oh my word! How hard! You are a good mother! But I get where you are coming from, I just realized the coconut oil I was putting on my sons ezcema was actually making it worse! I felt horrible, but if I had known I wouldn’t have done it and the same goes for you! Also I’ve read that oatmeal and fenugreek capsules help with milk supply. I took fenugreek and I feel like it did help me!
That sounds scary and frustrating!!!!! Norah is underweight too and it makes me worry all the time about it. It’s great that you figured it out when you did!!!! I think there will be these kinds of things with every kid – things that we feel like we should have caught sooner. Don’t beat yourself up!
Elizabeth and I were in a similar situation when she was two months. She wasn’t gaining any weight and the reason why was because of me. I was producing more of the fore milk and not enough of the fatty milk. In 2 weeks she had gained 2 ounces from me but once we switched to formula she gained almost a pound in a week. I stopped feeding me and for a while I was upset, especially with the pro breastfeeding that there is now. But what people don’t understand is sometimes the choice is beyond our control. I chose to do what was better and healthier for my daughter and so did you. There’s always the next one right ;). So your not alone :)
I am just about to make your bandanna bibs for my third baby, and began reading your blog! Thank you for sharing your story. I too was not able to breastfeed my first born. For four months I expressed every 2 hours trying to keep my milk up in hope my bub would latch on. I would try him on the breast before every feed, but finally gave in at 4 months and switched to formula. The guilt was terrible, which is why I think it took 4 months to make a decision. It also stole the joy of a new baby. I should have made the decision far earlier, but I too felt pressured to breastfeed. I believe a lot of the pressure comes from the medical profession. I visited 2 lact and not at one time did one professional counsel me on other options. At 16 months we discovered that our precious boy had cerebral palsy – hindsight…he had muscular difficulties and was not physically able to latch. He would take about 2 hours to drink 1/2 a bottle. I remember visiting a paediatrician when he was first born as he was not drinking at all some days..and her telling me that as a teacher I was used to achieving and now that I wasn’t achieving I was becoming over anxious. With my subsequent pregnancies, I have breastfeed with ease. But in my mind I felt ok, if I couldn’t. I also refused to complete the 1 page of the hospital admission form that asked me to acknowledge the benefits of breastfeeding…I wanted to know where the page was advising women that although breastmilk is preferable for bub..sometimes it just isn’t possible and thats ok too.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting! Good ol’ hindsight, eh? I’m glad your subsequent breastfeeding experiences were better (I sure hope mine are a bit easier!). I like what you said about feeling ok if you weren’t able to breastfeed. Having some of that pressure relieved probably helps make the whole thing more enjoyable even if you don’t end up needing to supplement.
This is probably a bit late but it’s worth a shot. I have 3 children 10, 6 and 10 months. I tried to breastfeed my 1st 2 children but it didn’t work out. I kept getting clogged ducts and cracked nipples so I would try to pump and bottle feed by it just hurt too much so I stopped and started formula feeding. Both turned out just fine on formula… daycare is what really did them in. Anyway with my 3rd child I was able to breastfeed him. He ate constantly and never seemed to be satisfied. . Like ever. So I started to take Mothers Milk Plus supplements and it did help with my supply but he still ate all the time. I finally stopped breastfeeding him at 8 months because he was still eating every 2-3 hours even at night and i honestly felt like i was withering away like my life was sucked out of me everytime he ate. Talk about a sleep deprived mother with 2 other children to take care of and my husband’s swimming pool company. My point is that breastfeeding is so much harder than I imagined it would be. I would totally do natural birth again then breastfeed. The day to day depression and constant feeling of disappointment that we arent doing it right or our babies are starving was sometimes unbearable to deal with. I cried daily everyday. Some people are blessed to have no problems or be overproducers.. I wish that was me but the truth is is that we are all different. It is such a sad world that as mothers we are constantly under scrutiny from society to be the best we can be and to only breastfeed because “it’s best for baby”. I hope all is better with your little one and that even if you did have to stop breastfeeding you let go of that guilt because she doesn’t blame you at all and at the end of the day if your baby is happy and healthy that is ALL that matters. I know easier said then done, just wish someone could have told me that so I hope it helps you along with your journey of motherhood.